From the diary of a desi heart

If you have ever travelled to a foreign country, then you would totally understand if I say: I was damn pissed off when at the security clearance, I was asked to remove my belt and my laptop and put it in a tray. Come on, what are you trying to search on me? I thought. Isn't it funny, first how we complain that the government does not do anything against terrorists and then we also complain when we are frisked at the airports and malls.And from my experience, I can tell you it's the women who complain the most. The main reason being that their bags or purses are always stuffed and to open it up in public is like spilling milk all over and asking them to refill the glass with the same milk !!
As I was putting on my belt back, I saw this woman being questioned very angrily by a lady officer. They were asking her to open up the entire cabin luggage that she was carrying. I saw that she was protesting, but the officer would not budge. She then very very reluctantly opened up her bag. Once the bag was opened and the things started coming out of the bag, the look on the officers face was like - See, I knew you had stuff in that bag, and the look on my face cannot be described. I dropped my jaws. The lady had coconuts, chili powder, sambhar powder etc; you mention it and she had it. You are right, she was a south Indian lady, who else will take coconut and sambhar powder. I am saying this with personal experience. She had obviously not followed the airline rules, either because of ignorance or she thought she could outsmart the security, after all bombs and guns do manage to get through the security check, so why not a coconut!
I then took seat in the waiting lounge and couldn't get the thoughts of the lady out of my mind. I was not sure if what she did was wrong, after all she was just trying to feed herself and her family with delicious Indian meals since they would be in foreign. Surely, you have the Indian stores and Indian cooking ingredients available all over the world, but how would a first time visitor know (that is what she told the officer). If you think it's only about the cooking ingredients that a NRI wife compromises with, then think twice. When a woman gets married, she is expected to leave her parents house and live with her husband and his family. She adds a new family to her list, new friends, new relatives and even a new name or surname. If she is getting married to an NRI, which of course I would like to believe was her choice, then even a new country is added.
Of course, the initial excitement of being in a foreign country does prevail for a long time, but it soon wears out. If she is working, she gives up her job, in the hope of getting a new job wherever she is moving. But if the country she is moving to does not allow dependents to work, then she stays at home. Not everyone is comfortable working in a coffee shop, or start their entire career again. Confined to the walls of her foreign home, she would surely try to make friends. But then its foreign, you cannot just keep calling up your newly made friends all the time and make them think that you are the lonely types and want to hang out with them, unless of course there is some good soul out there. The other people she would constantly meet are her husband's colleagues, which would be a solace for some time.
The once celebrated festivities, alongwith family and friends, now just becomes a jubilant wishing over phone or skype. God alone knows what would have happened if technology had not advanced so much. She then slowly gives up her corporate dreams, tries to fit into the foreign culture. When I say trying to fit into the foreign culture, I don't mean wearing jeans as opposed to salwar kameez or saari. This fitting-in is more than that. For example, it is culturally okay to see students aged 18 or under celebrate their graduation, by throwing beer all over them publicly. It is okay for an old lady to feel offended if you offer her your seat in the train. It's okay to see young kids to be walking around in the alcohol shop along with their parents. It's just okay for anything and everything that is not desi.
You might ask me, what is the difference between an NRI husband and an NRI wife? They both might go through the same feelings. Its right they might, but, at least, the husband has the joy of seeing his career build up and all the time thinking that he is doing it right by moving his family to a foreign land. Next time you think about an NRI wife and think she must be enjoying in a foreign country, think about how badly she wants to be home this Diwali and burst crackers and light diyas outside her home. Because if she does it in the foreign country, the smoke alarm will go off. By the way, the smoke alarm goes off even if she tries to put tadka to her dal. So this festive season, let's give it to all the NRI wives who keep company to their husbands and who give up their dreams, just to become NRI Biwis.